The Nice-to-have

Some years ago I asked a good friend of mine, "how do you know what you really want in your life?"

At that time I had just finished my undergraduate study and found myself overwhelmed with things I planned for myself next. I wanted to continue my study I wanted to have a career in a multinational company. I wanted to establish my own business. I wanted to get married before I reached 29 and have 3 kids then. And also some other things that I couldn't recall now. Shortly, I wanted everything.

While I was anxious, my friend was pretty certain with his life plan. I could say that because I knew that he had turned down some offers that other people would kill to get for things that he thought were truly matter.  "Don't you worry that you're going to regret it one day?", my other question.

To my latter question, he responded, "no, it's not something that I really want", which led to my former question.

I was, and probably still am, a kind of person who thinks I want and need everything. My friend back then advised me that I should find out which ones I truly want and which ones that are only nice-to-haves. For example, everyone would love to have a private jet but only a few who truly want a private jet. Sure it's nice to have one, but does it motivate me to work hard? No, not yet, at least.

Another example are my red high heels. I told myself, "yes I want those" but never successfully bring myself to buy them. I finally had them though, someone gave me as a gift. Am I happy that I have them know? Of course I am! Though I only wore them twice since. First, I am not that daring to wear red high heels everywhere. Second, they hurt like hell! Honestly, my life would be just as fine if I didn't have them. If they are stolen, I won't be rushing to buy another pair. Hell, I might not!

My Crocs, on the other side, are a completely different story. I'm may not crazy about the design but I need them. Even on my worst day, at least I don't have to worry about my feet. In Indonesia, those pair of rubber are not cheap though, escpecially the ones with a slightly decent style. In fact, I bought the ones that I have now at the same price with the red high heels that I always want yet fail to purchase. Somehow, I could always put aside some money for Crocs. If my Crocs are stolen, I could see myself rushing to the mall and buy another pair within a week.

 If I think about what my friend said about the nice-to-have back then, those red high heels are probably a good example. Something that I want to have for "buat punya-punya aja". However, of course at the time he told me about the nice-to-have things, I didn't fully understand what that meant. Don't think I have fully captured it now too. Hahaha.

Nevertheless, after a few years of bouncing around from one thing to another, I could see how true what my friend said then, which is not everyhing that I think I want is truly what I want. It took some time for me to understand. Some people that I know, found out what exactly  they want to do in their lives, took it out from the merely nice-to-haves, and focused on what really matter. Amazing.

As I quote my friend, there's always gimmick that may disctract you to do other things. I, personally, think that the most alluring gimmick is the thought that it is a one in a lifetime opportunity or it is something that everybody else wants.

You know a quote that goes "20 years from now you'll regret things that you didn't do instead of things that did"? I don't really buy it. It's not choosing between doing or not doing, it's always choosing doing something instead of doing another thing. It's not about working or not working, but more like working or sleeping, working or spending time with your kids, working or studying.

Back to my question years ago: "how do you know what you really want in your life?". I don't know for sure yet, but I think one way that you can do is to ask yourself: "are you gonna be just fine without it?"
If your answer is "yes", you might want to drop it and focus on those that really make your life worthwhile, because you are neither young nor live forever.