Selective Arguing Habit

I think it wasn't long after we started dating when he, my boyfriend (now husband), complained mentioned about how I seemed to always try to argue, about everything and anything that he said (which reminded me of Corrine Bailey Rae's "Like A Star", btw)

Those who know me well know that I don't like conflict. When someone says something that I don't agree on, often I just let it slide in silence, as if I don't hear it, or a low and short 'humm', as if I am in the middle of thinking about other thing. I do this quite a lot. I think I am just too lazy to get into any confrontation.

There are some exceptions, of course. One is when the subject is important for me. The other is when the person is important that I wish to keep him/her around for long. In the latter case, I think it is essentials for him/her to know me as my true self.

Even in the beginning of the relationship with my husband (then boyfriend), I could tell that I want and I will make this one works. So when he told me about my challenging, if not arguing, habit, I noticed that it was because he was already important to me and I wanted to keep him around for a very very long time, if he could accept me as who I truly was (and am), Fortunately, he did (and he does).

And exactly one year and 5 days ago, we had our first "argument" as husband and wife.

What did we argue about? Something frivolous that I can't recall.

Happy 1st anniversary! Love you to the moon and back and even more...

Escalation of Commitment

When a decision maker discovers that a previously selected course of action is failing, she is faced with a dilemma: Should she pull out her remaining resources and invest in a more promising  alternative, or should she stick with her initial decision and hope that persistence will eventually pay off?  Management scholars have documented a tendency of decision makers to escalate commitment to previously selected courses of action when objective evidence suggests that staying the course is unwise.  In these situations, decision makers often feel they have invested too much to quit and make the errant decision to “stick to their guns”.

(Kelly & Milkman)

**

Lecturer: Escalation of Commitment happens when the company’s in a bad shape, despite of the huge investment it’s already put in there, and the management reacts to the circumstances by putting more investment in hope that it’ll help the company to perform better.... It’s like a bad relationship.

Me: [laughing softly]

Lecturer: Yasmin, do you understand? Can you explain it to the class?

Me: Err, no. It’s okay.

Lecturer: No, please. Because it seems that you pick up my idea. Can you explain it to your friends?

Me: Well, it’s like when you’re in a relationship for so long, 5 years, and it doesn’t go well, but you think you’ve already put too much effort in it that you don’t want to end it.

Lecturer: And instead you get married, escalating your commitment, hoping that the problem will be solved by the escalated commitment. Exactly!

How could I pick the idea so easily? Obviously, because I’ve witnessed some of my friends do or did that to some extent. I just didn’t know there’s a term for it. And how do we know if we are in the circumstances?

Me: And how do we know if we are in the circumstances? That we shouldn’t put more investment?

Lecturer: That’s why people go to MBA, to answer that kind of question.

Isn’t making the right decision expensive?

The Last Date

Time flies and suddenly I'm two weeks away from my wedding day. Everything seems so intense lately, not only the wedding preparation and furnishing the apartment, but also the study. I'm having the mid-term test in the same week as my wedding by the way. No time to waste.

However, I am grateful that the bf and I finally got our great last date yesterday. We decided that we are not going to see each other anymore until the wedding day. For one reason, I think it will escalate the excitement. For other reason, we just simply have no time (remember that my mid-term test is coming up soon).

And what could be a better place to go for our last date unless the place where everything once began two years ago: Sushi Tei Plasa Senayan! And that, ladies & gentlemen, was his idea. That's by far the most romantic thing he has ever done, considering he doesn't like sushi and the traffic was a killer. :)))

So we ended our dating period nicely. Hopefully there'll be much more happiness and excitement in the next stage.

See you on our wedding day, love! ;)

Rivalry

I have been wondering something for a while: do human have tendency to set someone to be rivals for themselves?

I had a conversation about this with my girls. Of course, because we are girls so the context at that time was setting a rival in your relationship. Here are what I got:

a. When we're in a relationship we often, if not always, unconsciously pick someone to be the object of rivalry.

b. The objects could be anyone. 'Normal' choices are our partners' best friends, exes, co-workers, team mates. 'Less normal' choices: our partners' moms, sisters.

However, when the question was asked: "do you feel that this rival has the potential to steal away your significant other?", the answer is not always a "yes". It seems that we only look for the thrill of competing with other people. I know, it really sounds like we love drama. Frankly, I think we do.

Maybe it's not a sign of insecurity but only the need to fight for something. Though I must admit that I probably didn't do a good job at picking my samples. My girls are type A people. By nature they enjoy struggling for higher aims and making their lives harder than most people. Me, I am just trapped at the wrong place wrong time with these people.

Shortly, this is a non-random sampling.

So back to rivalry. Do you think we really have tendency to pick someone, anyone, to be our rivals?