Special

When the sun shine,
we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella

This song simply reminds me to them.

In my rainy days, they were some of very few people who saw my tears while most people didn’t even notice my grief. I still remember, those were my tears on your shoulder.

If listen to all your stories in these rainy days of yours can make you feel a bit happier, that would be an honor for me to do so.

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more

101st Proposal [1]

When I was a child, about 10 or 11, there was this Japan serial called 101st Proposal. It was a story about a man named Tetsuro in the conquere of his love. Classic, huh?

The difference, or the interesting, point of this serial was because the main character, Tesuro, was not a handsome or athletics or rich man. He was an ordinary man like we used to see and know in our daily life. He was kind of short with a classic, a bit stupid, haircut. I am not saying that he was ugly, he was just too ordinary.

And there was no any make over that suddenly turn Tetsuro into a handsome prince charming in this serial. This was not a story about ugly duck that turn to be a swan.

Tetsuro had had 100 rejections in his life. 100 women that he proposed rejected him or just simply left him. Then he met this pretty woman named Kaoru, and fell in love. Things were not going smooth for Tetsuro, not only because he wasn’t physically attractive but also because Kaoru was a frigid yet cold woman. She had a kind of trauma after her fiancée died on their wedding day.

And since Kaoru was a very beautiful lady, there were lots of men who were more handsome and richer that Tetsuro chased her too.

Since Tetsuro was not a quitter, he kept pursuing for Kaoru. Slowly, his kindness touched Kaoru. Tetsuro was a very kind and innocent man indeed.
But dating Kaoru was not an end for Tetsuro. Right after they decided to get married, Kaoru met a man who was very much looked like his previous fiancée. Not only his look, but also his attitude was almost the same with him. And to made things even more complicated, this man was happened to be Tetsuro's new boss.

Kaoru started to doubt her feeling. Did she really love Tetsuro anyway? Tetsuro made her felt comfortable and at ease, indeed. But was it love? Why didn’t her heart race when she was with Tetsuro like it did when she was with the other man?

The question is: which one is more like love, comfort or heart race?

NB. I found a part of this dorama in Youtube, try this.

When the semester is about to be ended

This semester is about to be ended. It was the toughest semester as long as I can remember. I knew it from the beginning. That’s why, since last year I tried to prepare myself better. I planned to finish all my organization activities in 6th semester so that I can stay focus in my academic activities in my final year. And things were going as well as my plan.

I nearly never visit LFM or Boulevard again this semester. I was drown into millions assignments, final project proposal and lab activities. And then, one day, a coincident meeting with a friend of mine surprisingly took me into nostalgia of the times when I still spent lots of my time in my units.

*

The Bench.

Yes, when I recalled my memory about LFM, the first thing that appeared in my mind was the bench in front of “Ruang Santai”. I always love to sit there for hours.

There were times when I always ran to LFM every time I had spare times. I knew I could always find people in LFM, that’s why I liked to spend my times there. LFM gave me a fun and cozy place to wait until the next class begins.

When it came to works, LFM could be very professional. Since it is a huge unit with a large number of members, every project or activity must be planned in details.

And the “Kru” were also amazing. There were lots of different people in LFM. I learned to understand and tolerate those differences. In their each own way, they kept me inspired day by day.


KBB.

Is the acronym of “Kegiatan Bukan Boulevard”. No one ever really defined what that would be. As long as I know, every activity that didn’t have any relation with journalism or the tabloid, including hang out, billiard, karaoke and so on.

It was not writing that kept me in Boulevard, but the community. It is a small community with millions ideas, stories and idealisms. And because there were not much people in Boulevard, it made the connection between each member stronger.

Although it has small number in members, but Boulevard seems not afraid of anything. Not even to those people in Annex, KM, Himpunan, etc. Sometimes, it took Boulevard into some troubles. Hehe.

One thing that I like the most about Boulevard is its independency.

I had so much great times in Boulevard, and great friends also.

*

Then I found myself miss them awfully. I never thought leaving them would make me feel somewhat numb… and lonely. Although the toughest semester is about to be ended, I do not feel much improvements in me. It is because this semester I’ve let myself apart from things that I love.

Forgiving, not forgetting

About a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me a question, “Can you forgive, if you can’t forget?”.
The question reminded me of an episode in Sex and The City. I don’t really remember the details, but I am sure at the end of the episode, Carrie (the main character of the serial) asked the same question.

Well, can I?

At that time, I answered “Yes” to my friend.

Then my friend asked me again, “Is forgiving means that you act normally with that person as well as you did before that person upset you?”.

Well, hmm… “No”, I answered slowly.

“What is forgiving then?”.

I am not an angel, not even close. I know that forgiving is not as simple as saying “I forgive you” or sending SMS “Mohon maaf lahir batin” or putting a smile in my face. At least, I try to forgive. Though I know that perhaps it is not enough. Human are created with memories so they can put all their experiences in it. In my case (and maybe my friend’s case), some memories are just too hard to erased.

To forgive or not, that’s our choice. Of course, I could have chosen to keep my anger forever. But then, what is it for me? None. My anger could not turn back the time or save me from pain. It would only turned me become a ‘dark’ person. So I chose to forgive to keep my soul ‘pure’.

What is forgiving, then?

“It means, you accept that once in your lifetime, someone has done something cruel to you, but you just keep going with your own life instead of thinking and regretting about it over and over again. And sometimes you don’t have to forget, so that you can learn how to protect yourself”.

I am not sure with my answer actually. But well, seemed that my friend was satisfied enough with the answer.

Bapak & Michael Buble

Akhir akhir ini saya suka sekali sama lagu Home yang dibawakan Michael Buble.

Entah kenapa.

Saking sukanya, saya hanya memasang satu lagu itu di playlist, sehingga saya bisa mendengarkannya berulang kali. Dari yang awalnya saya hanya ngeh bagian "let me go homee...", lama-lama jadi mengerti satu isi lagu itu.

Lalu, entah kenapa, saya jadi ingat Bapak yang saat ini bekerja di Addis Ababa, Ethiopia nun jauh disana (untuk Nadya yang nilai geografi nya 0 : Ethiopia itu di Afrika.).

Jangan bayangkan Addis Ababa itu daerah perang ya. Soalnya Addis Ababa yang merupakan ibu kotanya Ethiopia itu (menurut Bapak saya) adalah kota paling aman di Afrika. Mengalahkan Cape Town-nya Afrika Selatan.

Ini kalau saya perhatikan, terkait dengan sifat penduduknya yang sangat religius. Jadi, di Addis Ababa itu (entah apakah ini juga berlaku untuk seluruh Afrika), agama mayoritas adalah Kristen Ortodox. Dan agama ini, sangat setia dianut oleh para penduduk Addis Ababa. Bahkan, ketika suatu saat saya naik taxi, setiap kali taxi tersebut melewati gereja, si supir taxi akan langsung komat-kamit membaca doa dan diakhiri dengan membuat salib dengan gerakan tangannya (ngerti kan maksudnya?).

Jangan juga bayangkan Addis Ababa itu panas. Karena, Addis Ababa terletak di ketinggian 2500 meter di atas permukaan laut. Sebelum merasakan sendiri, saya juga tidak percaya. Tapi nyatanya, waktu saya kesana Juni kemarin, Addis Ababa jauh lebih dingin daripada Bandung.

Bandaranya pun tidak kalah canggih. Tapi kalau soal yang satu ini memang karena bandara yang ada di Addis Ababa itu (yang mana saya lupa namanya) memang pemberian dari Italia. Jadi standarnya pun standar Eropa.

Tapi sayangnya, infrastruktur yang oke punya itu melompong di dalam. Jadi di dalam bandara

itu banyak ruang nggak terpakai.

Sama juga dengan jalan rayanya. Biarpun jalan rayanya besar-besar, bahkan ada jalan layang juga, tapi mobil yang wira-wiri jarang sekali. Beda banget sama Jakarta.

Mobil yang ada pun kebanyakan mobil-mobil (supeer) tua. Mungkin keluaran tahun 70 atau 80 an.

Menurut Bapak saya, satu hal yang menyenangkan tinggal di Addis Ababa adalah karena living cost disana murah. Mata uang Ethiopia adalah Birr dan satu Birr sama dengan seribu rupiah. Untuk naik angkutan umum, cukup bayar setengah Birr atau 500 Rupiah saja!

Taxi? Dengan 50 Birr, Anda bisa carter taxi itu seharian!

Tapi, kalau jalan-jalan kesana mesti hati-hati. Soalnya, 25% penduduknya terinfeksi HIV. Bahkan ada survey yang bilang, setiap orang disana pasti punya minimal satu orang anggota keluarganya yang terinfeksi HIV. Ckckck.

Eh, kenapa jadi nglantur ngomongin Addis Ababa ya?

Jadi kembali lagi ke lagu Home nya Michael Buble. Mendengarkan lagu itu, membuat saya mengerti ketika Bapak bilang sering kangen rumah. Bapak pernah bilang, kalaupun nanti tempat kerjanya dipindah ke Eropa atau manapun, Beliau pasti akan tetap ingin pulang dan menghabiskan masa tuanya di Indonesia.

Ketika itu saya tidak mengerti. Kenapa? Bukankah enak tinggal di luar negeri?

Waktu itu beliau menjawab, "Memang benar kata orang, lebih enak hujan batu di negeri sendiri daripada hujan uang di negeri orang".

Kalau saya pikir-pikir lagi, mungkin Beliau kesepian. Tidak ada kami, lalu apa yang Beliau lakukan sepulang kerja? Apa yang meringankan langkahnya bila Beliau tahu hanya ada kamar kosong yang menunggunya?

Saya jadi merasa berdosa tidak selalu membalas emailnya hanya karena alasan sibuk. Padahal hanya butuh waktu 10 menit untuk membaca dan membalas emailnya.

Terlebih lagi saya merasa berdosa karena saya tahu, Beliau melakukan itu untuk keluarganya disini.

And I’m surrounded by
A million people
I Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Is that how you feel, Pak?

Huff...

gossip

Saya menerima sebuah email dari salah seorang Om saya. Isinya adalah sebuah forwarded email dengan judul mencolok RACISM.

Penasaran, saya buka dan baca email tersebut:

RACISM

You must pass this on .
I am sure many of you watched the recent taping of the Oprah Winfrey show in Chicago where her guest was Tommy Hilfiger.

On the show, she asked him if the statements about race he was accused of saying were true Statements like "if I'd known African-Americans, Hispanics, Jewish and Asians would buy my clothes, I WOULD NOT have made them so nice.

I wish these people would *NOT* buy my clothes, as they (my clothes) are made for upper-class white people." His answer to Oprah was a simple "YES" where after she immediately asked him to leave her show.

Suggestion? Don't buy your next shirt or perfume from Tommy Hilfiger. Let's give him what he asked for.

Let's not buy his clothes, let's put him in a financial state where he himself will not be able to afford the ridiculous prices he puts on his clothes. If we are small, then send it to the whole community that's not white people and see the result. We! have to see the result of unity.

Let's find out if Asian, Jews and Non-white really plays such a small part in the world. Stop buying all range of Hilfiger products, perfume, cosmetics, Clothes, bags, etc.

IF you are against racism, please send this message to all your friends; please do not delete it without sending it to at least one person.

Lantaran tak ada kerjaan, saya pun googling "oprah hilfiger", yang pada akhirnya menghantar saya ke situs resmi Oprah Winfrey (http://oprah.com/) dimana disitu dikatakan dengan jelas bahwa email yang beredar luas menyatakan Hilfiger pernah datang ke Oprah Show dan mengatakan hal-hal di atas adalah Big Fat Liar.

Itu semua tidak benar.

Beginilah sebuah gosip dimulai. Hanya karena sebuah email tak bernama, berita bohong jadi terasa nyata. Padahal, hanya dalam waktu kurang dari 5 menit, Anda bisa mendapatkan fakta sebenarnya tentang berita Hilfiger ini. Tapi entah mengapa, puluhan ribu orang memilih untuk langsung mem forward nya.

Moral of the story:

Percayalah pada gosip, hanya bila itu Anda dengar dari orang pertama.

Maaf..

“Latar Belakangnya mesti diperbaiki”, ujar Beliau setelah beberapa saat membolak-balik laporan Kerja Praktek saya. “Kamu catat ya!”.

Siap Pak!, saya segera mengeluarkan pensil dan buku. Tak butuh waktu lama untuk memenuhi lembar kosong kertas tersebut dengan berbagai catatan seperti:
- Metodologi terlalu rinci
- Gap masukkin ke latar belakang
- Data produk masukkin ke latar belakang
- Value! Bukan pedoman
- Batasan masalah : metode jangan dibatasi
- Dll

Saya tidak kaget atau heran. Berdasarkan kesaksian beberapa orang yang presentasi sebelum saya, rata-rata memang diminta merevisi Bab I dan II atau tata tulis laporan.
Beliau melanjutkan ke halaman-halaman belakang.

“Tidak bisa pakai metode ini”, vonis Beliau.

Dan sejak kata-kata itu keluar, saya berhenti mencatat. Berusaha mengerti apa yang Beliau katakan. Saya akui, saya memang tidak yakin 100% metode yang saya gunakan benar. Tapi saya juga tidak yakin metode yang Beliau usulkan juga dapat diterapkan.

“Saya tidak diberi data keuangan oleh perusahaannya, Pak”, saya berkata karena tidak mengerti bukan karena ingin membantah.

“Anda bisa asumsikan dengan cara begini..”, kemudian Beliau menuliskan rumus di laporan saya.

Rasanya serba salah. Di satu sisi, saya benar-benar tidak yakin data tersebut dapat diasumsikan. Namun, menimbang saran dari sejumlah teman, tidak seharusnya saya membantah dosen yang satu ini. Lagipula, apalah arti pengetahuan mahasiswa undergraduate dibandingkan seorang profesor?

Revisi metode. Begitu keputusannya. Kumpulkan minggu depan.

Saya pulang dengan agak linglung.

**

Maa… Laporan KP ku mesti revisi nih. Sebel.

Saya kirimkan SMS tersebut kepada Mama. Ya, sesampainya di kosan dan membaca buku yang bersangkutan, saya makin uring-uringan. Ditambah sakit kepala yang belum reda juga sejak semalam, saya jadi kesal. Entah kepada siapa.

Tak lama, Mama menelepon.

“Gimana, wuk?”

“Laporan KP ku mesti revisi nih Ma. Dari metode lagi. Itu sih sama aja ngerjain ulang”, saya nyerocos tanpa peduli Mama tidak familier dengan persoalan dan istilah yang saya gunakan.

“Kenapa kata dosennya? Susah ya kalau direvisi?”

“Salah metode katanya. Padahal aku ga dikasih data keuangan sama perusahaannya”

“Oo.. ya bilang dong sama dosennya?”

“Udah. Tapi katanya suruh diasumsiin aja. Aku ga ngerti ini apanya yang bisa diasumsiin”

“Sama dosen yang satunya ga apa-apa?”

“Nggak papa. Kemarin baik-baik aja”

“Oo… dosen yang ini memang sulit ya?”

Mama adalah seorang dokter. Wajar bila Beliau tidak familier dengan asumsi, laporan, revisi atau data keuangan. Tapi saya tahu Beliau berusaha mengerti apa yang saya katakan agar dapat mengatakan sesuatu yang dapat menenangkan saya.

Dan entah bagaimana, pipi saya mulai basah oleh air mata. Sudah lama sekali sejak terakhir saya menangis, saya bahkan tak ingat lagi kapan itu. Dan saya memang tergolong perempuan yang jarang menangis.

Saya tak tahu apa yang saya tangisi. Mungkin karena saya harus merevisi laporan KP, mungkin karena sakit kepala saya tidak sembuh-sembuh, mungkin karena akumulasi kelelahan minggu ini. Mungkin saya kesal karena hari ini Bandung macet luar biasa.

Mungkin karena saya kangen rumah, mungkin saya tersentuh karena Mama begitu berusaha mengerti dunia seorang mahasiswa, mungkin saya merasa bersalah karena sebelum hari ini saya tak ingat untuk menghubungi Mama. Mungkin semuanya.

**

Empat jam kemudian, revisi pengolahan data akhirnya selesai. Dan hanya ada satu orang yang ingin saya SMS saat itu.
Maa.. revisi pengolahan datanya udah selesai. Aku senaaang. :)