Forgiving, not forgetting

About a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me a question, “Can you forgive, if you can’t forget?”.
The question reminded me of an episode in Sex and The City. I don’t really remember the details, but I am sure at the end of the episode, Carrie (the main character of the serial) asked the same question.

Well, can I?

At that time, I answered “Yes” to my friend.

Then my friend asked me again, “Is forgiving means that you act normally with that person as well as you did before that person upset you?”.

Well, hmm… “No”, I answered slowly.

“What is forgiving then?”.

I am not an angel, not even close. I know that forgiving is not as simple as saying “I forgive you” or sending SMS “Mohon maaf lahir batin” or putting a smile in my face. At least, I try to forgive. Though I know that perhaps it is not enough. Human are created with memories so they can put all their experiences in it. In my case (and maybe my friend’s case), some memories are just too hard to erased.

To forgive or not, that’s our choice. Of course, I could have chosen to keep my anger forever. But then, what is it for me? None. My anger could not turn back the time or save me from pain. It would only turned me become a ‘dark’ person. So I chose to forgive to keep my soul ‘pure’.

What is forgiving, then?

“It means, you accept that once in your lifetime, someone has done something cruel to you, but you just keep going with your own life instead of thinking and regretting about it over and over again. And sometimes you don’t have to forget, so that you can learn how to protect yourself”.

I am not sure with my answer actually. But well, seemed that my friend was satisfied enough with the answer.