After Break Up

This morning I read a friend's blog about moving on. Almost similar to my other friend's blog several weeks ago.

You know, I hate break-ups. When you are in a relationship (either as couple or just HTS-an thingy) for quite a long time, let's say a year, you and your significant other will be, automatically, best friend. You do a lot of things together, you share your daily routine, you listen to each other's secrets, etc. You are not only having a romantic relationship, you are also getting a friendship.
Then when your romantic relationship is over (or one of you decide that it is over), you are not only lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, but also a best friend. The last one might be harder to overcome than the first one.
So this is what usually happens, you try to keep being a best friend for your ex (or ex-crush). You keep exchanging stories of your daily routine, you keep calling each other, you keep going out together. All on the name of friendship.
There might be awkward moments, but you try to neutralize it.

Well, in my opinion, it is actually normal for being awkward. Even for ex-couple who mutually agree that the relationship should be ended, I believe that there will be awkward situation and it is normal. As for ex-couple who one of them is not agree about the break-up, the situation will be even more awkward, and it is even more normal.

I once read a book called "Its Called A Break Up Because It is Broken" which said that after you break up, you better to not have any kind of communication with your ex at least for 2 months. I have to agree with the statement. Keep being your ex's best friend after break up is dangerous because one of you might trapped in the nostalgic feeling.

Let's accept that when you break up, you also lose one of your best friends temporarily. Yes, temporarily. One day, if you and your ex are indeed friends, you can get your best friend back. And it needs time. Even though the feeling has gone, you might need time to adjust your position. The awkwardness doesn't indicate that you still have feeling whatsoever, it means that you still couldn't find the right position as your ex's friend. I believe that it will come naturally as the time passes.

For how long? One of my friend said that at least it would take the same amount of time of the romantic relationship. So if you dated for 3 years, then it would take 3 years for everything back to normal and for you get your best friend back.

I say there's no rule about the amount of time. When you and your ex together could sincerily make fun of your past romantic relationship without feeling any awkwardness, that is the time you say "welcome back" to your old best friend.

Resigning

I am now resigning from my job. Effective 28th May 2010, I will quit the job. A week after, I will join the new company.

The decision of my resignation have been made about couple months ago. There were only few people knew about this and there were various opinions. Some said go ahead, some questioned the decision, some said I should've wait a little longer.
The last opinion basically advices me to gain more experience first before I go to another job, to another company. Spend at least a year or two before I move out so that when I back to the job market, I will have experience/value to offer.

Well well, the problem is, I don't have a year or two. I mean, I don't have time to stick around to a job which I don't really enjoy. It's not that doing the job is excrutiating, because in fact I know I can live with it. I will be okay doing the job.
But 'okay' doesn't seem enough for me. 'Okay' is not good enough.
I don't have time to feel just 'okay' about my job.

I have my time limit for being an employee. That is why I want to enjoy every moment I pass doing the job. If I don't have time limit, I might accept the just 'okay' situation. Somehow, I am grateful for having limited time.
It reminds me of a quote by Randy Pausch which I tweeted via readingwalk several days ago. He said:

The key question to keep asking is, Are u spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have.

I used to thought like I had unlimited time (or I refused to admit that time has limit), like I would be in my twenties forever. That is why, sometimes, I hate birthday, getting older, because it reminds me that time is not unlimited. Well, you know what, time is limited. At least our time is limited. 40 years from now, I might have died. During the next 40 years I have many agendas to do. If I think the way I used to be, someday I will wake up in the morning 10 years from now, and still haven't accomplish anything significant. God forbids!

Like Randy said, time is all we have. In life, there is a finish line.
As in working as employee, I also have my finish line. So, really, I don't have time for 'okay'.

Recent Activity: Quoting, Twittering

Belakangan ini saya punya aktivitas baru: twittering!
Jihihahahahayy.

Maksudnyaaaa, twittering ReadingWalk dong... Oh ya, by the way, sekarang ReadingWalk punya twitter. Silakan lho di-follow di www.twitter.com/readingwalk (jjjahhh, malah promosi).
Mostly, like mooooooooostly, twit-nya adalah quote-quote dari buku.

So, anyway, that's not the story. Cuma intermezzo dan latar belakang cerita saja sekalian promosi. Hihi.
Suatu hari saya mengambil quote dari buku The Time Traveler's Wife. Jujur, saya belum pernah baca buku itu. Bagaimana saya bisa ambil quotenya kalau saya belum baca? Oho, itu soal lain lagi. Pokoknya terima saja quote yang saya twit via ReadingWalk, itu legit kok.

Biarpun belum baca, saya sudah banyak dengar soal buku best-seller ini. Buku ini bercerita tentang sepasang suami istri, Henry dan Clare. Henry memiliki semacam kelainan genetis yang membuatnya unwillingly sewaktu-waktu, di saat tak terduga, time traveling. Buku ini banyak berkisah soal Clare, si istri yang harus menerima sewaktu-waktu ditinggal suaminya.

Ketika membaca quote-quote dari buku ini (bayangkan, hanya quote lho!) entah bagaimana saya ikut terharubiru. Twitter, sayangnya, memiliki keterbatasan karakter sehingga saya harus memilah-milah mana yang bisa saya twit dari sekian banyak quote yang indah dari buku ini. Maka dengan berat hati, beberapa quote tak bisa saya twit karena terlalu panjang. Misalnya yang ini:

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?

Atau ini:

It's hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. It's hard to be the one who stays.

I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way. I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow al winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

Atau yang ini:

We are walking down the street holding hands. There is a playground at the end of the block, and I run to the swings and I climb on and Henry takes the one next to me facing the opposite direction. And we swing higher and higher passing each other, sometimes in synch and sometimes streaming past each other so fast that it seems we are going to collide. And we laugh and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost or dead or far away. Right now we are here and nothing can mar our perfection or steal the joy of this perfect moment.

I've loved the book even before I read it. Hal paling menarik, paling menyenangkan dan paling amazing dari sebuah buku adalah bagaimana buku tersebut bisa mengajak pembacanya menyelami emosi yang sebenarnya sudah kita kenal. Atau dalam bahasa lebih sederhananya, memberi nama pada perasaan yang pernah kita rasakan. Hingga kita bisa bilang, "aah, iya gue ngerti perasaan kayak gini".

Tak hanya pada buku The Time Traveler's Wife, buku-buku Paulo Coelho pun punya banyak banyaaaaaak quote-quote menarik dan inspiratif. Seperti yang ini:

Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life?

Atau yang ini:

There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there.

Anyway, books are amazing, aren't they?
Well, sebenarnya yang amazing adalah manusia-manusia yang dapat menuliskan kata-kata itu, yang dapat menyampaikan emosi melalui rangkaian kalimat. Buku menjadi amazing karena ia adalah media yang mempertemukan para penulis hebat itu dengan orang-orang seperti saya. :D



PS. Saran dong, sebaiknya twitter ReadingWalk memuat tentang apa ya? Sudah cukup dengan quote seperti saat ini atau ada hal lain yang bisa ditambah ya?