The Nice-to-have

Some years ago I asked a good friend of mine, "how do you know what you really want in your life?"

At that time I had just finished my undergraduate study and found myself overwhelmed with things I planned for myself next. I wanted to continue my study I wanted to have a career in a multinational company. I wanted to establish my own business. I wanted to get married before I reached 29 and have 3 kids then. And also some other things that I couldn't recall now. Shortly, I wanted everything.

While I was anxious, my friend was pretty certain with his life plan. I could say that because I knew that he had turned down some offers that other people would kill to get for things that he thought were truly matter.  "Don't you worry that you're going to regret it one day?", my other question.

To my latter question, he responded, "no, it's not something that I really want", which led to my former question.

I was, and probably still am, a kind of person who thinks I want and need everything. My friend back then advised me that I should find out which ones I truly want and which ones that are only nice-to-haves. For example, everyone would love to have a private jet but only a few who truly want a private jet. Sure it's nice to have one, but does it motivate me to work hard? No, not yet, at least.

Another example are my red high heels. I told myself, "yes I want those" but never successfully bring myself to buy them. I finally had them though, someone gave me as a gift. Am I happy that I have them know? Of course I am! Though I only wore them twice since. First, I am not that daring to wear red high heels everywhere. Second, they hurt like hell! Honestly, my life would be just as fine if I didn't have them. If they are stolen, I won't be rushing to buy another pair. Hell, I might not!

My Crocs, on the other side, are a completely different story. I'm may not crazy about the design but I need them. Even on my worst day, at least I don't have to worry about my feet. In Indonesia, those pair of rubber are not cheap though, escpecially the ones with a slightly decent style. In fact, I bought the ones that I have now at the same price with the red high heels that I always want yet fail to purchase. Somehow, I could always put aside some money for Crocs. If my Crocs are stolen, I could see myself rushing to the mall and buy another pair within a week.

 If I think about what my friend said about the nice-to-have back then, those red high heels are probably a good example. Something that I want to have for "buat punya-punya aja". However, of course at the time he told me about the nice-to-have things, I didn't fully understand what that meant. Don't think I have fully captured it now too. Hahaha.

Nevertheless, after a few years of bouncing around from one thing to another, I could see how true what my friend said then, which is not everyhing that I think I want is truly what I want. It took some time for me to understand. Some people that I know, found out what exactly  they want to do in their lives, took it out from the merely nice-to-haves, and focused on what really matter. Amazing.

As I quote my friend, there's always gimmick that may disctract you to do other things. I, personally, think that the most alluring gimmick is the thought that it is a one in a lifetime opportunity or it is something that everybody else wants.

You know a quote that goes "20 years from now you'll regret things that you didn't do instead of things that did"? I don't really buy it. It's not choosing between doing or not doing, it's always choosing doing something instead of doing another thing. It's not about working or not working, but more like working or sleeping, working or spending time with your kids, working or studying.

Back to my question years ago: "how do you know what you really want in your life?". I don't know for sure yet, but I think one way that you can do is to ask yourself: "are you gonna be just fine without it?"
If your answer is "yes", you might want to drop it and focus on those that really make your life worthwhile, because you are neither young nor live forever.

Bahasa Indonesia

Bahasa Indonesia adalah salah satu pelajaran yang menjadi momok semasa sekolah dulu. Mungkin tidak di beberapa tahun pertama ketika yang dibahas hanya sekedar S-P-O, (subyek-predikat-obyek) atau mengarang cerita liburan. Namun lambat laun, sepertinya pelajaran ini semakin menjadi-jadi saja. Sebut saja persoalan imbuhan, tanda baca, kata sambung, serapan, kalimat majemuk, dsb yang bikin pusing kepala.

Ujian Bahasa Indonesia itu rasanya semacam tebak tebak buah manggis, tidak tahu mana yang benar, mana yang salah. Sehari-hari berbahasa Indonesia pun sepertinya tidak banyak membantu. Bagaimana bisa membantu kalau yang terucap kebanyakan kalau tidak bahasa sleng ya bahasa Inggris atau Jawa yang diserap dan dimodifikasi sembarangan. Nah, kan, baru paragraf kedua saja saya sudah pakai istilah sleng. 

Belajar bahasa Inggris rasanya lebih mudah. Sebenarnya saya kurang tahu juga sih bahasa Inggris yang saya gunakan sudah benar atau tidak. Anggaplah sudah (agak) benar. Bila demikian, buku dan bahan bacaan berbahasa Inggris lainnya adalah salah satu hal yang paling berjasa dalam proses pembelajaran saya. Tidak tahu apakah karena bukan bahasa ibu saya, kalau membaca buku atau artikel bahasa Inggris itu rasanya enak betul ceritanya mengalir. Pilihan kata dan kalimatnya pun beragam. Memang tak bisa disamaratakan begitu semua, tapi sebagian besar buku berbahasa Inggris yang saya baca punya efek demikian. Bukan saya bilang bahwa buku-buku berbahasa Indonesia tidak mengalir penceritaannya. Hanya saja dari yang sudah saya baca selama ini, yang tulisannya terasa lancar kebanyakan bahasanya dicampur dengan bahasa lain atau menggunakan bahasa sleng, dengan sejumlah pengecualian tentunya. Mungkin memang saya saja yang kurang banyak membaca sih. Hasilnya, tulisan  saya dalam bahasa ibu sendiri pun banyak disisipi berbagai kata dan kalimat asing atau serapan.

Nah, beberapa hari lalu, saya melihat-lihat sejumlah situs produsen handphone ponsel seperti SONY, NOKIA, dan kawan-kawannya. Ketika saya mampir di situs SONY, saya baru ngeh sadar kalau situs Indonesia mereka menggunakan bahasa Indonesia yang formal. Menariknya, ketika saya baca tidak terasa (terlalu) aneh juga lho. Bahkan pada bagian-bagian tertentu, saya cukup kagum dengan keanggunan bahasanya. Biarpun pada bagian-bagian yang lain terasa seperti hasil terjemahan Google Translate. Setidaknya kegigihan mereka untuk menulis seutuhnya dalam bahasa Indonesia yang baik patut dihargai meski pada akhirnya muncul sejumlah kata atau kalimat yang terasa janggal (walaupun tidak salah). Saya kira kata atau kalimat yang terasa aneh itu lantaran jarang digunakan di percakapan sehari-hari?

Bila bicara tentang bahasa Indonesia, saya selalu teringat mendiang nenek saya dari pihak ibu. Beliau kerap kail menggunakan kata-kata yang saya rasa tidak umum digunakan dalam percakapan, misalnya "lantas" bukan "kemudian" atau "terus"; "kencan" bukan "ketemuan" atau "janjian"; "kawan" bukan "teman". Secara makna, kata-kata tersebut lebih atau sama tepatnya, kan? Tapi tentu kalau saya gunakan dalam percakapan sehari-hari bisa-bisa saya dicap "jadul" (kata yang akan dibahasakan nenek saya sebagai "kuno").

Walaupun demikian, bagi saya, tetap ada kesenangan tersendiri ketika mendengar atau membaca tata bahasa Indonesia yang dipakai seelok itu. Mungkin saya memang kuno, ya?

Saya suka membaca beberapa blog karena alasan tersebut: karena tulisannya menggunakan bahasa Indonesia yang mengalir. Seperti blog milik Raie Kribo ini.

Komentar menarik lain yang pernah saya dengan tentang bahasa Indonesia datang dari teman saya, seorang warga negara Malaysia keturunan Cina. Teman saya ini bahasa Melayunya terpatah-patah, kalah jauh dari kemampuannya berbahasa Mandarin, Inggris, bahkan Spanyol. Meski demikian, diakuinya, bila hanya mendengar ia masih lumayan dapat memahami. Suatu kali ia pernah bilang pada saya bahwa ia pun bisa memahami sebagian percakapan dalam bahasa Indonesia walaupun ada kata-kata tertentu yang membuatnya bingung.

Tahu kata-kata apa?
Kata-kata seperti "sih", "dong", "kan", "deh". Apa artinya? Saya mau menjelaskan juga sulit. Bagaimana asal muasalnya dan kenapa semua orang Indonesia memakainya pun saya tidak mengerti.

Intinya, saya merasa saya harus banyak belajar lagi tentang bahasa Indonesia, memperluas kosakata, memahami pemakaian imbuhan, tanda baca, dsb. Saya akui, ketika saya mendengar seseorang berbicara atau melakukan presentasi dalam bahasa Inggris yang baik dengan lancar, saya selalu kagum. Tapi kekaguman yang sama juga saya selalu berikan pada mereka yang dapat bertutur kata dengan baik, runut, dan anggun dalam bahasa Indonesia, karena jujur saja, saya kira tidak banyak orang yang memiliki kemampuan demikian.

Sebenarnya, tanpa tata bahasa yang baik pun saya rasa orang-orang lain masih dapat memahami dan mengerti maksud perkataan kita. Namun dengan tata bahasa yang baik itulah tingkatan kita bisa terangkat jadi lebih terdidik, atau berbudaya, atau apapun, yang pasti meningkat.

Bisa juga jadi tampak lebih kuno sih. :P

Beauty

In one of final assignments that I did last semester, I presented an analysis of Dove's marketing communication. During my research I found several interesting things.

In 2004, a collaborative research done by Harvard University and London School of Economics and  funded by Dove revealed some facts about how women throughout the world perceived the concept of beauty. Shortly short, according to the authors, many women didn't describe themseleves as beautiful and agreed that media had set unrealistic standard of beauty. Though many opposed the results (which is a common thing for every controversial research), Dove still proceed their next marketing strategy based on those. (In my opinion, since Dove did fund the research we couldn't really tell for sure whether the research was indeed driven to certain direction or not).

Dove then launched a global campaign, which you might have already known, titled Real Beauty. The campaign basically encourage people, especially women, to embrace their own beauty despite of the standard that established by the media. in their ads, they use rather "common people" instead of models. By "common people" means people with any shapes, races, and ages. The campaign got much attention and has been research object multiple times for its uniqueness.

Shortly short (again), my analysis concern more about how the global campaign implemented in Indonesia. Not gonna go in details to that . ;)

One of the most interesting things about this campaign is a short movie called "Dove Evolution" (2006). It was released as part of their campaign to promote self-confidence. Based on several articles, "Dove Evolution" was quite famous at the time it was launched. See for yourself.




While doing the analysis, I remember a good friend mine who is, in my opinion, having a self-confidence issue about her physical appearance, To be perfectly honest, there's nothing wrong with her look.Surely, she doesn't look like those beautiful faces we see on TV but who does?
Not only that she's beautiful, but she's also one of the nicest people I've ever known. She holds a degree from one of the most reputable universities in this country (and believe me, the degree also comes from the most prestigious faculty in that unversity). I never really understand why she often doubts herself while I wish to be more like her.

Going back to Dove Evolution movie, I wonder if it really portrays our standard of beauty? Are women mostly defined by how they look instead of what degree they hold or their attitudes? You can say "no" but I know some people do judge women mostly from their looks.

So, in my attempt to be somewhat wise, I quoted Dr. Seuss to my friend: "those who mind dont matter. Those who matter don't mind".
Say you have droopy eyes, big nose, thin hair, or soft-and-lack-of-characters bone structure like mine, you might meet some people who mind your shortcomings. Those people don't matter or important for you. Because those people who really matter for you are those who don't mind with those because they see beyond your outer qualities. Having said that, I think it's better to stay confidence about ourselves, which I acknowledge as something that is not easy.

As part of their Real Beauty campaign, Dove also encourage women to be confident. They argue that those features you have that don't match the common standard are not ugly, they are just different and there's no reason to feel bad about them only because they are not portrayed as ideal by the media.

I must agree with this point. I often meet women with curly hairs, dark skin, small eyes, or huge body whom I secretly envy because they look very attractive. True story (or 'stories', in this case). One thing these women never fail to have is confidence (without "over" before the word). At the end, I genuinely believe that most people look attractive because they believe they do look good. The rest (and minority group of people) are granted such extraordinary beauty that they don't need confindence factor to be attractive.

Alternative Cities

Pertama kali saya pindah ke Jakarta itu tahun 1993. Waktu itu saya kelas 2 SD. Kalau dihitung-hitung berarti sudah hampir 20 tahun saya di kota ini (yaiks, I am old!). Sejak kecil saya selalu berpikir bahwa nantinya ketika saya sudah dewasa dan mulai membangun karir serta keluarga, ya saya akan tetap di kota ini. Dan kenapa tidak, ya kan?

Pertama, Jakarta ini pusatnya perputaran uang. Peluang karir disini jauh lebih banyak daripada di kota lain. Kedua, apapun ada di Jakarta ini. Mal dimana-mana, tempat makan enak di setiap sudut kota, pokoknya segala macam fasilitas ada disini. Ketiga, kualitas pendidikan disini cenderung lebih baik daripada kota lain. Setidaknya pilihan sekolah dari A sampai Z ada. Keempat, orang tua saya disini. Saya bahkan beberapa kali bercerita tentang bagaimana cintanya saya dengan kota ini disini dan disini.

Intinya, tinggal di Jakarta adalah sebuah kepastian dan tidak perlu lagi saya pertanyakan.

...Sampai dua tahun terakhir ini.

Seperti yang pernah saya ceritakan disini, untuk mencapai kantor di Senayan saya butuh menyisihkan waktu kira-kira dua jam di jalan. Lalu dua jam lagi untuk pulang dari Senayan ke rumah. Mungkin karena saya pernah merasakan empat tahun di Bandung, rasanya agak sulit buat saya menerima keadaan ini. Empat jam mameeeeen!!

Sementara orang-orang lain meskipun kesal tapi tampaknya bisa menerima. Suatu kali saya terpikir untuk ngekos saya dekat kantor. Akan tetapi, pertama, harga kosan yang decent di pusat Jakarta itu mahal bo. Kedua, sedih amat sih sampai ngekos. Nanti pulang kantor ga ketemu adik-adik saya dong. Maka pikiran ngekos itu saya bubarkan.

Nah itu weekdays nya. Tapi siksaan kemacetan yang sesungguhnya adalah pada akhir minggu terutama Jumat malam dan Sabtu malam. Catat!
Di Jumat malam, waktu perjalanan bisa sampai tiga sampai tiga setengah jam.

Semakin saya pikirkan rasanya semakin tidak mungkin buat saya untuk tetap tinggal disini. Entahlah bagaimana orang-orang lain yang bisa bertahan hidup di Jakarta dengan pola hidup seperti itu. Ibu saya termasuk orang yang senang bertahan di Jakarta, tapi itu karena tempat kerjanya ke arah Bekasi dan Halim paling pol juga satu setengah jam. Kalau normal kurang dari satu jam.

Pada orang-orang yang seperti saya dulu, saya bertanya-tanya apakah Anda yakin yang Anda jalani sekarang ini adalah hidup yang baik? Apa iya tidak ada alternatif yang lebih baik di kota lain?

Saya sih sudah menyerah. Tak mau saya selamanya terjebak di kota ini. Dan ketika saya memutuskan ini, saya menemukan ada kota-kota lain di luar Jakarta yang sebenarnya potensial.

Solo, misalnya. Ini adalah kota asal Ibu saya maka saya sudah cukup familiar dengan kota ini. Paling tidak setahun sekali saya mudik kesana. Solo beberapa tahun terakhir ini semakin menjanjikan. Kotanya masih kultural, tapi kalau Anda jalan-jalan bisa dilihat ada banyak usaha-usaha kecil dan besar yang berkembang. Kotanya pun cukup tertib dengan jalan utama yang cukup besar. Terakhir saya kesana lebaran tahun lalu, saya jadi makin jatuh cinta.

Persis di seberang hotel tempat saya menginap, Best Western, ada yang namanya PGS (mungkin kepanjangan dari Pusat Grosir Solo). Di PGS ini isinya mirip ITC tapi yang dijual batik. Dari hasil bertanya-tanya, sebagian batik-batik ini dibuat di workshop-workshop yang ada di sekitar Solo. PGS hanya buka sampai sore, karena malamnya, di bagian luarnya dijadikan semacam pusat lesehan, dimana berbagai macam masakan khas bisa ditemukan.
Oh ya, Solo juga punya bandara international, yang artinya kota ini terbuka dari mancanegara.

Lalu ada juga Yogya. Saya menghabiskan 7 tahun pertama hidup saya di kota ini. Dulu sih seingat saya kotanya dingin sekali, apalagi saya tinggal di Kaliurang km 6,6. Sekarang sudah tidak sedingin dulu dan sudah lebih ramai oleh, terutama, motor. Bagusnya kota ini juga punya bandara international dan sudah lebih berkembang kalau dibandingkan Solo. Di kota ini juga ada UGM yang menyediakan fasilitas pendidikan yang baik.

Dan tentu ada Bandung. Tidak ada bandara international disini, tapi untungnya dia tidak jauh dari Jakarta. Biaya hidup di Bandung ini sayangnya lebih tinggi daripada di Solo atau Yogya tapi untuk tempat-tempat hiburan modern memang lebih banyak disini. Lalu ada ITB dan Unpad untuk alternatif tempat pendidikan. Yang saya khawatirkan hanya kepadatannya. Akhir-akhir ini sepertinya tingkat kepadatan di Bandung makin meninggi. Saya tidak yakin 25 tahun dari sekarang Bandung tidak akan menjadi seperti Jakarta.

Selain tiga kota tadi, rasanya masih banyak yang lain yang belum saya tilik. Intinya, kehidupan tidak hanya berputar di Jakarta. Mungkin tinggal di Jakarta berarti penghasilan lebih besar, tapi toh pengeluaran juga lebih besar, dan yang paling penting, waktu yang terbuang di jalan juga lebih besar. Uang bisa dicari tapi kalau waktu dimana bisa dibeli?


Ralat. 
Bandara di Bandung itu international juga ternyata. Thanks to Bat untuk ralatnya :)

Working Life

Back when I was a college student, I thought I had got the picture of how working life would be. After I graduated, I spent some time to establish ReadingWalk first. Then after some time I started sending my resumes to some companies. Ready to experience being a part of a multinational industry.

My first office job after I graduated was in food and beverage industry. I was posted in the Corporate Planning department. It didn't go very well for me. I don't know how to explain it without making you confuse, but shortly short, I wasn't challenged. I was a fresh grad fully motivated to show the world how good I was but, at that time, I didn't think my job could get me there. When I imagined myself in the next 5 years, I didn't like the picture. I decided to move.

I joined steel industry. Again, Planning department. The first two months I did nothing except read my e-learning materials. Sure I got bored at some point, but because I knew what was waiting for me next, I hung on. Then gradually I started to do the real work. My need of challenge was fulfilled and I kinda like the picture of me in the next 5 years. Though, I had known that I wouldn't be there for so long. I still need to do my master and I wanted to do some business on my own. However, that nice picture of me could get me motivated enough to do my work.

Though I was eager to live the corporate life I was still taken by surprise of how things were going and how strong my job affected my life. I'm not talking about the work itself, but this:

The official working hour was 9 AM - 6 PM. To get there by 9 AM, I had to leave home at least at 7.15. Considering I took 15 minutes to have breakfast and another 60 minutes to take shower, pick the outfit, and put on some light make up, so I have to wake up at 6 AM.

Then I finished at 6 PM. I had to pray first so I left the building at 6.15. Considering that I had to walk a little and wait for the bus or omprengan to arrived, I arrived at home at around 8.15 PM. After I cleaned myself and had dinner, I watched TV. Because I was exhausted, 30 minutes later I was fallen asleep in front of the TV. That would be around 10 PM.

The next morning I woke up and the routine started all over again.

That was the good scenario. Often I had to leave the office after 7 PM. If you think the traffic is nicer at night, think again. There was also the very good scenario, when I could reach home before 7.30 PM. Not very often, though.

At first I refused to leave home before 7.30 AM. I insisted that I need to do something beside working in my life and the only time I had was in the morning. But the traffic was (and is) bloody awful. I would stuck longer in the traffic if I left later.

Then I registered myself to a gym so I could do some work out before I went home. Something for myself.

What amazed me is how people are okay with this. While I felt awful dedicating my life to make a company survives (the one that is not mine). I had 24 hours everyday and I gave at least 12 hours (including travel time) to the company. If I live for another 40 years, it means I only have 20 years to sleep and do whatever other things I want to do. It kinda hurt when I thought about it.

Don't get me wrong, I liked my job. It was often stressful but I still liked it. However, I just didn't feel that was enough. Doing the job that I like did not compensate the 12 hours, half of my lifetime. I felt I need to have greater reason for doing it.

A very close friend of mine, he is working for a state-owned company, from 7 AM to 4 PM. Once in a while he has to work 24 hours for several days, in some remote area. He is transfered from one location to another every couples years. But he has faith in himself that what he does is for the benefit of the people. He believes that the company he works for could provide better life for others.

I thought, I need to have that kind of reason. It had to be larger than paying my bills, shopping some shoes, or proofing to others whatever I need to prove. I felt I miss that reason. And I couldn't force myself to grow a faith within me that what I was doing was for greater good. So I resigned.

I might be too naive or dumb or cocky, but if I have 40 more years to live I wish to make it meaningful. I know myself quite well and how my ego can drives me to do something I am not going to be proud of in the future. What scares me is that if my ego leads me living a life that I choose only because other people choose it.

Rivalry

I have been wondering something for a while: do human have tendency to set someone to be rivals for themselves?

I had a conversation about this with my girls. Of course, because we are girls so the context at that time was setting a rival in your relationship. Here are what I got:

a. When we're in a relationship we often, if not always, unconsciously pick someone to be the object of rivalry.

b. The objects could be anyone. 'Normal' choices are our partners' best friends, exes, co-workers, team mates. 'Less normal' choices: our partners' moms, sisters.

However, when the question was asked: "do you feel that this rival has the potential to steal away your significant other?", the answer is not always a "yes". It seems that we only look for the thrill of competing with other people. I know, it really sounds like we love drama. Frankly, I think we do.

Maybe it's not a sign of insecurity but only the need to fight for something. Though I must admit that I probably didn't do a good job at picking my samples. My girls are type A people. By nature they enjoy struggling for higher aims and making their lives harder than most people. Me, I am just trapped at the wrong place wrong time with these people.

Shortly, this is a non-random sampling.

So back to rivalry. Do you think we really have tendency to pick someone, anyone, to be our rivals?

Self Control

Waktu main ke rumah Eyang saya di Tegal 2 minggu kemarin, saya menemukan sebuah buku yang sudah agak tertutup debu. Judulnya, 7 Kesalahan Terbesar Orang Tua. Buku terjemahan, sayang saya tidak ingat siapa penulisnya atau apa judul aslinya. Ya, kira-kira Parents 7 Biggest Mistakes (?).

Mengingat dan menimbang bahwa:

a. Saya punya adik yang masih 9 tahun.

b. Teman-teman saya sudah mulai banyak yang beranak.

c. Saya juga bercita-cita punya anak.

Maka saya bacalah buku tersebut.

Satu bagian yang menarik ada di bagian dimana buku tersebut mengatakan bahwa salah satu kesalahan terbesar orang tua adalah terlalu sigap setiap kali anaknya bermasalah. Setiap anak jatuh langsung buru-buru digendong. Ketika anak lapar langsung segera diberi makan.

Menurut buku itu, sikap seperti ini akan membuat anak menjadi tidak punya toleransi dan kesabaran. Contohnya, seorang anak usia 5 tahun yang sehat secara emotional harus mampu menahan keinginannya selama beberapa menit tanpa menangis. Artinya ia harus bisa bersabar ketika misalnya ia ingin diambilkan biskuit di atas lemari. Ketika ia meminta diambilkan, dan orang tuanya berkata 'oke, sebentar ya. Mama selesaikan cuci piring dulu', ia semestinya dapat mengerti dan tidak menangis.

Yang menarik buat saya, ternyata kemampuan menahan diri itu salah satu tanda kematangan emosional ya..

Mungkin juga itu alasannya umat muslim diwajibkan berpuasa. Tidak hanya sekedar agar dapat merasakan lapar dan haus seperti orang-orang tidak berpunya. Tapi juga agar dapat melatih kontrol diri.

Kontrol diri menurut saya bukan hanya perkara makan dan minum. Yang lain misalnya belanja. Berapa kali saya membeli sesuatu yang sebenarnya tidak terlalu saya butuhkan dan tidak pula saya budgetkan tapi saya tidak mampu mengontrol diri untuk membelinya?

Atau mengontrol diri atas kemarahan, kesombongan, perbuatan curang. Yah, banyak lagi lah.

Kalau dipikir-pikir, di dunia ini tidak ada lagi hal yang lebih dapat kita kontrol selain tindakan kita sendiri. Dari cuaca sampai bunga cicilan, semuanya di luar kuasa kita.

Tentu ada masa-masa dimana godaan dari luar sangat kuat, sehingga seolah-olah kita kehilangan kontrol atas diri sendiri. Tapi sebenarnya tidak pernah demikian. Setiap kali menerima aksi dari luar, manusia diberi keutamaan untuk dapat selalu mengontrol apa yang akan dia lakukan sebagai reaksinya.

Jadi saya kira mungkin saja salah satu alasan mengapa umat muslim diwajibkan berpuasa adalah untuk merayakan kemuliaannya sebagai makhluk yang memiliki kontrol diri. Use it wisely. :)

Work. Study. Plans. Life lately

So I officially quited my work per June 15th 2011. It was a good closure. My bosses and colleagues from Singapore were here and I got farewell lunch and dinner.

Here's a photo of me and my colleagues.

So that was TS Marketing SEA (minus my boss and one person). The interesting thing about my former department is that the people come from various countries. We had 1 American, 1 Argentinian, 1 Vietnamese, 1 Malaysian, 1 Thai, and 2 Indonesians. Oh, and there's a new guy from India whom I've never met. No Singaporean though the regional office is in Singapore.

One chapter in my life is now closed.

Now that my master study will start in September, I'm enjoying my "free" time. I have to admit that at first I was worried about how things were going to be. When I ask someone who just got back from a holiday, the common answer is: "holiday is nice but always too short". I was worried if my holiday is too long.

Not that I don't like holiday, but from past experiences when I got too much free time, I tended to do nothing useful and at the end of each day I felt like I had been wasting my time and them I'd feel bad about myself.

Fortunately, I do have several things to be done in this so-called-holiday. I still wake up early as usual, still take shower before 9 AM, and fill up my to-do notes. Different 'kind of to-dos. I no longer have any bullet with "finish rig count report" or "call state govt" or "arrange a meeting with commercial". My bullets are now mostly dominated with ReadingWalk's stuffs, family thingy, and apartment research (I am offering my Mom's apartments for rent and sell, btw).

It's not as intense as working at the office because now I set my own pace. I don't know yet whether this is good or bad. When I meet my collage friends sometimes I envy them for still having that working routine, knowing that they will be paid every 25th in each month; the consistency that I no longer have now. However, I realize that at this moment I am in the point of no return. I won't call off my study and go back to corporate life. That phase has passed and, according to my plan now, I've left it for good.

Every once in a while I ask myself, am I doing the right thing? Life's running so fast sometimes it scares me. Or maybe it's just about time. I am now in a period of time when many big decisions need to be taken and I doubt myself countless times.

I have dreams for myself and people that I dearly care about. I feel like I have opened the door to those dreams but I am afraid to take the next step. What if I mess up? I've messed up so many times in my life, I should have got an award for that. What if anything that I do now will cost me my dreams in the future? What if I'm not happy in the next 5, 10 or 20 years? At the same time, I know that I'm going nowhere if I don't do anything.

This morning I read a quote about happiness:

"Happiness is a risk. If you’re not a little scared, then you’re not doing it right."

It is taken from a book titled The Peach Keeper, I haven't read that book anyway. Maybe it's true. Maybe it's normal to be scared and doubtful and shaky. I am risking something. The thought that I may risk it for nothing scares me. However, hmm.. I think, I'm going to try my best to not let that happen.

The Precious Hot Chocolate Delight

Years ago, when I just moved to Bandung, a friend of mine took me to a place in Jl. Lombok, named Blend. It was a nice place just right at the corner of the street. They got cozy sofas where you could sink your body while playing Uno or congklak. Since then, the place was one of my favorite places.

But actually what I liked the most was a dessert dish named Hot Chocolate Delight. I don't have the picture, but it was more or less like this.

Well, minus the ice cream and that sick-looking strawberry on top. But it was D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S. I remember that the first time I bought, it costed me Rp 21000, which is pretty expensive for my standard at that time. I kept coming back several time, not often because I didn't have that much money, until one day I went to the place and I found that they have new design for their menu. But that was not just it, they also raised the prices.

My precious Hot Chocolate Delight was then Rp 25000. Sh*t!, I thought at that time. But I still could help myself from bought it, regardless. Then I came several times after that.

One day, I went there and they gave me a menu with new design. Oh, I had bad feeling when the waitress handed me the menu. And my feeling was right. Again, they raised the prices, though they also added some new dishes which tasted great. Hot Chocolate Delight then costed me Rp 28000. I silently cursed the manager or whoever made the brilliant decision to rise the price but still paid for it. And I still came several times after that.

I really really loved the dish. I still do, actually. But one day (after several more "new design on the menu"), I reached my limit. I think it was when the price was Rp 35000. On that day, I went in the place, looked at the menu, found that they once again increased the price, and I walked out. I didn't even bother to choose other menu. I was so pissed I thought how arrogant this restaurant they keep increasing their prices and expect that they won't lose any customer. Well, you just lost one!

So, the price went from Rp 21000 to Rp 35000 in 2 years. Okay, it was only Rp 14000, what's the big deal? Hey, it was 67% growth.

It might not only about the money, at that time I felt like someone had to show them that it was not that good (though when I think about it now, it might be that good). Maybe I was just fed up with the presumption.

I never come back to the place. Last time I passed at it, it was already closed permanently. I don't know the reason, though.

**

I do understand that price increase is inevitable, for any kind of product or service. In the end, every business always wants a greater profit. However, money is a sensitive issue and to know where is the customers's limit is one tough job to do. People will not complain when you sell your product too cheap. But they will absolutely complain or even worse leave when you sell too expensive. The big home work is to find somewhere safe in the middle where people will not complain and you get good money.

I truly don't know the reason behind my hot chocolate delight's price increase but as a customer I had bad thought that the seller was just going too greedy and wanted to get as much profit as possible by rising the price. And at that time I thought I don't want to be used like that.

I don't know if I had guessed it right or not, but it doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day I had left and decided that I was not going to buy from them anymore.

It doesn't matter how noble your intention is if at the end of the day customers are leaving because you have failed to share the idea. It's a lost-lost situation between the seller and the buyer.

Now, let's say you have a good product which you honestly believe is better than other products in the market. Say, it's a toothpaste that can make the teeth glow in the dark. You think, hey glow in the dark teeth could be a cool thing in the dance floor. You genuinely believe that.

Of course, you have to add some ingredients which other products don't have to make it glow. This particular ingredient pushes your production cost above the others. In the end, to get at least as good profit as the other competitors (who really wants that anyway? Don't we want to get higher profit than the others? But let's assume that way), you have sell it with higher price.

Now you have to struggle to convince people that this special thing you have for your product is worth they money. That even though they pay you more, but they get better price per value. It's like people go to Starbucks instead of make an instant coffee (which I don't get, by the way). The price different is huuuugeeee, my friend. Yet, people go to Starbucks. Why? Because they believe that whatever Starbucks has and the instant coffee doesn't have is worth some more money.

The next question is, of course, how to be a Starbucks?

Trivial Messages

I heard the incoming text tone. I thought that was my bf, but no. It was a text from an old friend which was supposedly a reply to my text FIVE days ago. Why does she even bother to reply this, I wondered.

Just then I remembered, I got the same critique about how ignorant I was to any text, bbm, or any kind of people's attempt to reach me. Who criticized me? Hmm... my family, friends, bf.. basically everyone. *sigh*

It's just, you know, I didn't mean to ignore those messages, but when I read them I was usually in hectic situations (considering the office I'm working at now, we're rarely not in a hectic situation). I just wanted to delay it, I promised myself that I'd answer them after I finish with anything I was doing at that time. But when the time came, I've already forgotten.

I honestly truly genuinely thought that other people do the same. So I was honestly truly genuinely surprised to find that almost everyone protested.

Then I got scared a little, geez, am I a kind of ignorant apathetic person who lives in her own world? Or am I becoming a workaholic who doesn't really care about her friends and family? Or I'm just simply having a severe self-center syndrome? None of those is good.

Whatever. I'm fixing myself now. I try to reply any message right after I get them. I mean, I'm really trying. I even asked my boss to wait, when I got a call. Work is important, but friends and family are what matter the most. Sometimes, the calls or messages are just asking where am i, when I am going to go home, and so on. I thought those are just trivial unimportant questions, but you never know how anxious your loved ones waiting to get your reply, to know that you're fine. They're not trivial.

Growing old

Oh, it's April already. And I'm already 25 years old now ;)

When I was like 16, I was kinda terrified of being 18. Geez, 18 sounded very "mbak-mbak". Maybe I watched sinetron too much because I had grown an idea that female college students must have wear heels and make up. I turned 18 and everything was okay. I didn't wear heel or make up and I didn't feel anything like "mbak-mbak". In fact, I felt young again cause that year I entered college and found myself as first grade student again (which means the youngest of all grades).

So, when I was 18, I was worried to become 20. Geez, 20 is no longer teenage. I am no longer teenager! And if I filled out a questionaire, I would have to group myself with the 20s people (which you know, ranges from 20 to 29. 29! Twenty-f*ckin-nine!). Then I turned 20, and everything was fine. I had been living apart from my family for 2 years and I felt like I am now taking more control in my life. I'm not even jealous with the teenagers anymore. Why should I? They are.. you know.. teeeeenageeeeerrrrr.... Bunch of grown-up-wannabes with unstable mood and severe acne problems. Tsk.

So, as you may already guess, I started to fear of being 25 (well actually 23 and 24 also, but the post would be too long).

Then I turned 25, about a couple weeks ago, and everything was great! I don't mean the celebration whatsoever. I mean, being 25 is fine. I've already got my bachelor degree, I can make a living, I run a business that I love, yet still work as Marketing analyst, I have great friends, family, and boyfriend. I'm not saying that my life is perfect but at least my life is going somewhere.

For now, yes, I've developed new fear of being 30. But somehow, I'm sure that by the time I turn 30 I will have new exciting things going on in my life (like kids, maybe. ;P). Perhaps growing old is not something I need to worry about. Just because I can't picture out what good things that might happen when I am 40, it doesn't mean there is nothing waiting for me.

And as birthday present, I bought myself a new laptop. The one I can carry anywhere without causing shoulder pain. Yeay!

Being 25 is cool, indeed.

Big Things

You know how simple things can turn out to be few things you never forget forever?

It can be one of those days when you were late for a class then you took a seat next to someone whom you talked to during the lesson and turned out this person is now your bff.

Or when you went to a wedding party of an old friend and you met a person who now becomes your biggest investor.

It is the day when you wake up in the morning and you don't really expect anything big is going to start that day. So you do your daily things as usual. Even until you go to bed at night you still don't know that it has been started. The big thing has already been started.

Only a few months or even years later when you look back at that particular day then you realize how important every single decision you took on that day is.

I have some of them. One of those days is when I put silly word as my YM status. When I decided that the week had gone too boring and I needed to watch a movie. When I insisted to keep my promise to meet you even tough I didn't know how to reach the place.

So, you know, I think, sometimes big things in our lives come when we least expect them. They just happen.

Changes

Saya suka suara ketukan ketika jari saya menghantam keyboard laptop, apalagi kalau dalam kecepatan tinggi.

Tentunya tidak ketika menulis blog. Kalau lagi nulis blog banyak pausenya, mikir dulu kelanjutan abis ini apa yaa. Hahahaha. Kalau lagi chatting tuh, seru sekali. Udah materi chattingnya seru, ditambah background suara cetak-cetuk ini bikin saya makin senang.

Eh, sudahlah. Saya bukannya ingin membahas obsesi aneh saya.

Last night, I watched Eat, Pray, Love with my boyfriend. During the movie, I kept having this thought inside my head: nothing could go wrong in this life anyway.

Entah apakah itu filmnya, atau apakah beberapa kejadian belakangan ini yang mencetuskan ide tersebut. I just heard that a friend of mine just quitted her job to join a program called Indonesia Mengajar. She will be (or she has been? I don't know) sent to remote area in Indonesia to teach elementary kids for one year.

Some might say she had lost her mind. Quitting a job with decent salary to teach some place we can't even point at on the map?

Tapi buat saya, what the heck, it's only one year! One year of so many years we have and maybe will going through. Next year, she can decide her next move. Maybe teaching again, or maybe coming back to corporate life, who knows...

The point is, yes life's short, yes we live only once, yes we can't undo the past, but that doesn't mean that we have to be extremely careful analyzing, planning our every move.

Saya jadi ingat sebuah quote dari novel-nya Sophie Kinsella, Undomestic Goddes. "Sometimes you don't need a goal in life, you don't need to know the big picture. You just need to know what you're going to do next"

Well, that's quite extreme "don't need a goal in life". Maybe you have the rough plan, the blurry picture of your life in the next 20 or 30 years. But plan, unlike the past, is changeable. Some things we need to be 100% (ok, at least 90%) sure at, some other things we just go on with it and see what happen then.

Because, here's the thing, nothing could go really wrong in life. We can always fix them. We can always stop and take different paths.

Dementor

Dalam novel terbarunya, Cinta: Sebuah Rumah Untuk Hatimu, Ollie memunculkan perumpamaan dementor untuk seorang tokoh. Anda yang pernah baca dan nonton Harry Potter, tentu tahu dong apa itu dementor. Kalau Anda tidak tahu, coba saya kasih sedikit gambaran.

Dalam cerita Harry Potter, tersebutlah penjara sihir bernama Azkaban. Penjara ini sungguh menakutkan. Apa yang bikin penjara ini menakutkan?

Karena penjara ini dijagai oleh para dementor.

Apa yang menyebabkan dementor menakutka

n?

Karena dementor adalah makhluk yang doyan menyantap perasaan bahagia manusia. Ia senang menyedot energi-energi positif hingga manusia-manusia yang diserangnya hanya memiliki perasaan negatif dan putus asa.

Kembali lagi ke novel terbaru Ollie, tersebutlah Bu Ivan yang disebut sebagai dementor. Bu Ivan adalah tipe orang yang sering kita temui di kehidupan sehari: pengeluh, hobi menjelekkan hal-hal disekitarnya, intinya kemana pun ia pergi suasana menjadi gloomy, harapan terasa begitu jauh di awang-awang.

Saya terkikik-kikik ketika membaca bagian ini. Karena perumpanaan dementor ini oh so true!

Tentu saja kecewa, sedih, marah, kesal, paranoid adalah emosi-emosi yang natural ada dalam diri manusia. Rasanya tak pernah ada satu hari pun lewat tanpa satu pun emosi negatif mampir. Jakarta macet, jalanan becek, pekerjaan menumpuk, data belum siap, orang terlambat, minuman tumpah, komputer nge-hang, sebut saja, begitu banyak peristiwa yang bisa memancing berbagai emosi negatif.

That's the reality. Life is not always fun. Bear with it!

Saya selalu ingat kata-kata seorang teman: kita tidak bisa menolak emosi yang datang pada diri kita, tapi kita selalu bisa memilih bagaimana kita akan meresponnya.

Dan sungguh melelahkan bukan menghadapi orang-orang yang selalu merespon dengan makian, keluhan, tudingan, dsb?

Yang bikin paling gemas dari pada dementor ini adalah, ketika mereka mengeluh tentang keadaan, ya hanya itu yang mereka lakukan. Bukannya mencari solusi atau paling tidak berusaha mencari jalan keluar bagi dirinya untuk keluar dari situasi itu. Mereka bahkan tidak berusaha menyesuaikan dirinya dengan keadaan.

Dan yang paling berbahaya adalah mereka berusaha mencemari orang-orang di sekitarnya dengan virus-virus negatif ini. Ada bedanya antara memperingatkan dengan mencemari. Memperingatkan hanyalah mengungkapkan akibat-akibat yang mungkin terjadi atas suatu tindakan. Mencemari bertindak lebih jauh lagi, berusaha menanamkan pola pikir yang sama, kenegatifan yang sama diri orang lain.

Saya sendiri merasa bahwa para dementor ini menyukai drama. Semakin dramatis keadaannya, semakin senanglah mereka. Yah mereka punya pekerjaan paling buruk di dunia, yah mereka punya bos paling kejam sedunia, yah mereka punya hidup yang paling sulit di dunia, yah mereka punya adik paling rese sedunia. Drama drama drama.

Kadang-kadang ada juga tipe dementor yang hobinya mensabotase diri sendiri. Mereka mengeluh, kita tawarkan solusi, mereka bilang "tapi kan...". Satu dua tiga kali mungkin masih oke. Tapi kalau sudah 10 kali terjadi. Mereka terus-terusan datang dengan masalah yang sama. Terus-terusan menolak berbagai saran yang diberikan. Ah ya sudahlah. Pada satu titik saya hanya mendengarkan (masuk telinga kiri keluar kanan) tanpa komentar apa-apa.

Karena kalau ditanggapi terus, berempati terus menerus, lama-lama saya jadi merasa oh mama oh papa kejamnya hidup ini.

Ih, saya terdengar benci sekali dengan para dementor ya? Hahaha.

Padahal mungkin juga ada masa-masanya sih saya yang jadi dementor. Tapi iya sih, dementor-dementor itu menyebalkan. Saya tidak benci kok, cuma tidak ingin punya urusan saja. Cukup kenal dan saling sapa saja.

Elephant in the Room

Pertama kali saya mendengar istilah elephant in the room adalah ketika saya membaca buku Last Lecture dari Randy Pausch (a great book, btw). Dalam bab-bab pertama di bukunya, Randy Pausch mengatakan "when there's elephant in the room, introduce him".

Let's see what elephant in the room means. Menurut wikipedia, itu adalah sebuah idiom yang digunakan ketika ada sebuah persoalan serius yang enggan didiskusikan oleh orang-orang.

Situs lain mengartikannya sebagai sebuah masalah yang keberadaannya disadari oleh semua orang namun tidak dibahas karena dirasa akan membuat suasana menjadi tidak nyaman.

Contoh sederhananya begini. Andaikan Anda pergi dengan 4 orang teman Anda. Di tengah acara, salah seorang teman Anda pergi menelepon pacarnya dan ketika kembali matanya sudah sembab dan rupanya berantakan. Anda dan 3 orang yang lain tahu pasti, teman Anda ini tentunya habis bertengkar sengit dengan pacarnya. Namun, Anda dan yang lainnya memutuskan tidak membahas masalah tersebut karena tidak ingin membuat suasana menjadi tidak enak. Paling-paling Anda hanya saling lirak-lirik dengan 3 orang yang lain tanpa membuat suara.

Itulah mengapa disebut elephant in the room. Keberadaannya jelas dirasakan semua orang, tapi juga berusaha diabaikan. Ketimbang pura-pura menganggap si gajah tidak ada, Pausch justru menyarankan untuk memperkenalkan sang gajah. Introduce it then get over it.

Di ajang Indonesian Idol tahun ini, Agnes Monica menjadi salah satu juri sementara Daniel menjadi presenternya. Dulunya, mereka berdua pernah dekat kan. Tapi mereka berdua menyikapi itu dengan pintar. Ketimbang disentil-sentil orang lain soal masa lalu, mereka justru lebih dulu menjadikan hal itu sebagai guyonan umum. Jadi tidak ada atmosfer nggak enakan disitu.

Introducing the elephant bisa juga begini.

Yes, I failed the exam and I was furious about it but now I just want to watch a movie and have some fun. Mungkin kira-kira seperti itu.

Atau ini. Yes, I was mad at you because you were not keeping your promise. Please don't do that again. Now let's go and have fun.

Masalahnya adalah sungguh tidak mudah untuk bisa bersikap selugas itu. Setidaknya menurut saya itu tidak mudah. Apalagi kalau tidak terbiasa. Sometimes we just hope that the problem will somehow go away and everyone will forget that it ever exist. Ayo yang suka diam-diam berharap begitu, ngacuuuung....

Fufufufufufu.

Padahal berpura-pura tidak melihat si gajah pun bukan hal yang mudah. Rasanya seperti bermain peran dimana kita diharuskan mengabaikan keberadaan kru-kru lain selain lawan main kita.

Entah mana yang lebih baik. Mungkin mesti dilihat-lihat dulu juga ya lawan main kita itu seperti apa. Menurut Anda lebih baik yang mana?

Virus Menikah Muda

Ada notifikasi Facebook baru di inbox saya. Setengah mengantuk saya pilih open.
Ah, wedding invitation. Berarti ini adalah invitation ke-2 untuk bulan Juli. Sementara untuk bulan Juni sendiri, sudah ada 4. Betapa sibuknya sang pembuat janur kuning.

*

Syahdan, di sebuah waktu di masa yang lampau saya pernah bercita-cita ingin menikah di usia 27 atau 28. Mengapa?
Errr... Entahlah. 27 atau 28 terdengar matang dan, ketika itu sih, terdengar masih lama dari masa kini. :P

Maka ketika room mate saya memutuskan untuk menikah tahun 2008 silam, I can't help but wonder why does she want to tie the knot so quick?
Tak hanya sekali dua kali saya bertanya, setengah bercanda juga sih, lo yakin mau nikah?. Pertanyaan yang seandainya didengar oleh calon suaminya akan berakibat pada melayangnya sebuah panci ke arah kepala saya.
Dan room mate saya menjawab, kenapa enggak?

Quick facts tentang room mate saya:
1. Ia dan pacarnya sudah pacaran (ketika itu) sekitar 3 atau 4 tahun.
2. Ia setahun lebih tua dari saya dan pacarnya beberapa tahun lebih tua dari dia.
3. Ketika itu pacarnya sedang S3 di Eropa.
4. Pacarnya sudah punya penghasilan tetap.
5. Teman saya akan melanjutkan S2 di tempat yang sama dengan pacarnya.

Intinya saya jadi bingung juga dengan jawaban kenapa enggak itu. Sebenarnya saya punya tanggapannya sih, tetapi saya urungkan niat mengutarakannya karena terdengar kekanak-kanakkan dan labil. Fufufu.
Maka saya mengganti pertanyaan dengan kok lo bisa yakin sih mau nikah sama dia?
Kali ini mungkin yang melayang kompor, lengkap dengan gasnya dan api yang menyala.
Dan room mate saya lagi-lagi menjawab pertanyaan dengan pertanyaan, emang mau cari yang gimana lagi?

Yang gimana kek.
It was not because I didn't like his guy. Saya yakin kok pacar teman saya ini baik dan mereka cocok dan seterusnya. Saya hanya amazed pada fakta bahwa teman saya ini, yang ketika itu usianya belum 23 tahun, bisa yaqqiiin mbuliqqiin (istilah Mama untuk benar-benar yakin) untuk berkomitmen pada satu pria ini ini. Seumur hidup. For better for worse.

Ini sebenarnya tanggapan kekanak-kanakan dan labil yang tadi ingin saya sampaikan: kalau beberapa tahun kemudian teman saya ini menemukan pria lain yang lebih ia sukai, bagaimana?

Tapi teman saya ini terlihat yakin dan mantap. Tercermin dari caranya yang santai menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan bodoh saya sambil disambi dengan menyetrika baju, minum teh, atau berkebun. Tak sekalipun ia tampak jadi gusar atau ragu karenanya.
Ya sudahlah, saya pikir ketika itu, mungkin saya memang belum sampai pada tahap itu atau memang saya belum menemukan orang yang bisa membuat saya seyakin teman saya itu.

*

Dua tahun berlalu sejak saat itu dan saat ini berita pernikahan teman hampir sama seringnya dengan iklan menjual mobil Avanza (perumpamaan yang aneh...). Virus menikah muda menyebar hampir sama cepat dengan influenza. Lagi-lagi, can't help but wonder, usia yang sedang hip untuk menikah sudah bergeser ke middle twenties ya?

Seorang teman mengatakan bahwa semua itu tergantung fokus hidup seseorang. Hmm, I can't completely agree with her. Saya rasa orang menikah ketika mereka telah sampai di tahap seperti room mate saya, kenapa enggak?

Saya punya analisa sendiri tentang mengapa orang-orang jaman sekarang (atau paling tidak orang-orang di sekitar saya) banyak yang menikah di usia middle twenties ke bawah.
Ini karena saat ini pendidikan dapat diselesaikan dalam waktu yang relatif lebih cepat daripada dulu. Ambilah contoh ITB yang konon-konon dulunya untuk bisa selesai kuliah dalam 7 tahun saja sudah bagus. Sekarang, lewat dari 6 tahun sudah kena DO. Sebagian besar selesai 4 tahun atau 4,5 tahun. S2 pun sekarang banyak yang 1 atau 1,5 tahun.

Bila mengikuti siklus hidup yang standar, selesai kuliah berarti bekerja. Dan orang-orang jaman sekarang pintar sekali mencari uang. Peluangnya pun memang lebih besar dari jaman dahulu. Ide-ide menyebar dengan cepat via televisi dan internet.
Bisnis perusahaan-perusahaan yang mempekerjaan orang-orang ini juga berkembang lebih pesar. Ujung-ujungnya berpengaruh juga pada gaji yang dibayarkan pada karyawannya.
Dua tahun kerja, para new hires ini sudah bisa mencicil mobil atau bahkan mungkin rumah. Lalu datanglah fase itu ketika mereka mulai bertanya, kenapa enggak?

Ya, kenapa enggak? Gelar ada, mandiri iya, dewasa iya, tabungan banyak, rumah in progress. Lalu ada satu sentilan tambahan, mengapa menunda hal yang baik?
Menikah itu lebih baik daripada tidak menikah, jelas ada di Al-Quran.
Yah kecuali kalau memang belum ada orang yang diyakini bisa diajak menikah. :)
Lepas dari persoalan diatas, memang tinggal masalah perasaan dan keyakinan saja.

Saya pikir lagi sekarang, aneh juga ya dulu saya punya patokan menikah usia 27 atau 28. Kenapa umur yang dipatok? Bukannya seharusnya yang jadi patokan adalah kondisi dan stage hidup saya? Ketika saya sudah mencapai ini itu dan anu, saya akan mau menikah. Misalnya begitu.

Beberapa teman saya lebih beruntung bisa mencapai stage tersebut lebih cepat. Saya turut berbahagia untuk mereka.

Victimized

Di suatu petang. Dua orang adik kakak perempuan mengobrol di teras rumah.

Datanglah seorang ibu-ibu. "Udah ada uang buat bayar kontrakan belom?", hardik si ibu-ibu.

Si kakak, dibantu adiknya, berdiri, "Maaf, Bu, tapi belum ada uangnya", ujarnya memelas.

"Eeehh, gimana sih, ga ada uang ga ada uang. Lo udah nunggak 5 bulan!", si ibu makin ketus.

"Iya, Bu, tapi saya belum ada uang", yak, si Kakak merepetisi.

"Lo kira ini rumah punya engkong lo!", si ibu menghardik makin kasar.

"Tapi Bu, saya belum ada uang," macam burung Beo ini si Kakak. Lalu ditambahkan, "besok, kalau saya ada uang, pasti saya bayar."

Jedaaang!!

Adegan di atas bukan kisah nyata. Cuma potongan sinetron yang kebetulan menarik perhatian saya ketika browsing.

Peran protagonis disini sebenarnya si adik-kakak yang cantik-cantik itu. But none of my sympathy goes for them. Ya iyalah si yang punya kontrakan marah.
Tunggakan udah 5 bulan.
Ditagih, malah membeo 'saya belum punya uang'.
Sekalinya ada kata 'besok', itu pun diikuti kata 'kalau punya uang'.
Solusi tidak ada.

Paling buruknya adalah, tayangan sinetron ini memposisikan mereka seolah-olah korban dari pemilik kontrakan. Tokoh utama yang penting baik, pasrah dan cantik. Tidak perlu pintar-pintar amat, apalagi solutif.
Yeah, great. Kalau semua orang begitu, ditunggu sampai kiamat juga Indonesia nggak akan maju.

Malam ini saya ingin berdoa:
Semoga sinetron bukanlah cerminan pola pikir orang-orang Indonesia.
Semoga penonton sinetron mengerti bahwa tingkah victimized tokoh sinetron tidak patut ditiru.
Semoga adik kecil sana dan anak-anak saya dan anak-anak Anda nanti tidak tercemar pola pikir itu.
Amin.

After Break Up

This morning I read a friend's blog about moving on. Almost similar to my other friend's blog several weeks ago.

You know, I hate break-ups. When you are in a relationship (either as couple or just HTS-an thingy) for quite a long time, let's say a year, you and your significant other will be, automatically, best friend. You do a lot of things together, you share your daily routine, you listen to each other's secrets, etc. You are not only having a romantic relationship, you are also getting a friendship.
Then when your romantic relationship is over (or one of you decide that it is over), you are not only lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, but also a best friend. The last one might be harder to overcome than the first one.
So this is what usually happens, you try to keep being a best friend for your ex (or ex-crush). You keep exchanging stories of your daily routine, you keep calling each other, you keep going out together. All on the name of friendship.
There might be awkward moments, but you try to neutralize it.

Well, in my opinion, it is actually normal for being awkward. Even for ex-couple who mutually agree that the relationship should be ended, I believe that there will be awkward situation and it is normal. As for ex-couple who one of them is not agree about the break-up, the situation will be even more awkward, and it is even more normal.

I once read a book called "Its Called A Break Up Because It is Broken" which said that after you break up, you better to not have any kind of communication with your ex at least for 2 months. I have to agree with the statement. Keep being your ex's best friend after break up is dangerous because one of you might trapped in the nostalgic feeling.

Let's accept that when you break up, you also lose one of your best friends temporarily. Yes, temporarily. One day, if you and your ex are indeed friends, you can get your best friend back. And it needs time. Even though the feeling has gone, you might need time to adjust your position. The awkwardness doesn't indicate that you still have feeling whatsoever, it means that you still couldn't find the right position as your ex's friend. I believe that it will come naturally as the time passes.

For how long? One of my friend said that at least it would take the same amount of time of the romantic relationship. So if you dated for 3 years, then it would take 3 years for everything back to normal and for you get your best friend back.

I say there's no rule about the amount of time. When you and your ex together could sincerily make fun of your past romantic relationship without feeling any awkwardness, that is the time you say "welcome back" to your old best friend.

Resigning

I am now resigning from my job. Effective 28th May 2010, I will quit the job. A week after, I will join the new company.

The decision of my resignation have been made about couple months ago. There were only few people knew about this and there were various opinions. Some said go ahead, some questioned the decision, some said I should've wait a little longer.
The last opinion basically advices me to gain more experience first before I go to another job, to another company. Spend at least a year or two before I move out so that when I back to the job market, I will have experience/value to offer.

Well well, the problem is, I don't have a year or two. I mean, I don't have time to stick around to a job which I don't really enjoy. It's not that doing the job is excrutiating, because in fact I know I can live with it. I will be okay doing the job.
But 'okay' doesn't seem enough for me. 'Okay' is not good enough.
I don't have time to feel just 'okay' about my job.

I have my time limit for being an employee. That is why I want to enjoy every moment I pass doing the job. If I don't have time limit, I might accept the just 'okay' situation. Somehow, I am grateful for having limited time.
It reminds me of a quote by Randy Pausch which I tweeted via readingwalk several days ago. He said:

The key question to keep asking is, Are u spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have.

I used to thought like I had unlimited time (or I refused to admit that time has limit), like I would be in my twenties forever. That is why, sometimes, I hate birthday, getting older, because it reminds me that time is not unlimited. Well, you know what, time is limited. At least our time is limited. 40 years from now, I might have died. During the next 40 years I have many agendas to do. If I think the way I used to be, someday I will wake up in the morning 10 years from now, and still haven't accomplish anything significant. God forbids!

Like Randy said, time is all we have. In life, there is a finish line.
As in working as employee, I also have my finish line. So, really, I don't have time for 'okay'.

Jakarta, GoMaps, Pots of Gold

Saya bukan termasuk golongan orang yang mudah menghafal jalan. Dan untuk itu, saya sangat bersyukur memiliki gadget yang dilengkapi dengan aplikasi Google Maps plus fasilitas GPS yang bisa mendeteksi posisi saya dalam peta (God bless technology!).

Maka suatu sore usai dari kantor, saya memanfaatkan fitur tersebut untuk menuntun saya menuju Sarinah, Thamrin. Masukkan start point dan end point, lalu voila, rute jalan tersedia berikut keterangan jarak dan estimasi waktu tempuh. Coba tebak berapa jauh jarak antara Sunter dan Sarinah?
12,3 kilometer saja, Kawan!
Estimasi waktu tempuh?
20 menit!
Kenyataannya?
Kira-kira satu jam saya berjibaku dengan traffic Jakarta.
Contoh lain, pernah juga si GoMaps mengestimasi waktu 12 menit antara Tanah Abang ke Simprug. Nyatanya, jelas jauuuuh dari 12 menit.

Intinya, setelah beberapa kali memanfaatkan aplikasi Google Maps, saya jadi sadar bahwa sebenarnya jarak antar tempat di Jakarta tidak terlampau jauh. It's the traffic, for God sake!

Sebenarnya saya suka Jakarta. Saya sudah 18 tahun tinggal disini (dipotong 4,5 tahun di Bandung) dan kadang saya sulit membayangkan untuk tinggal di kota lain selain Jakarta. The city is actually very lovely (in sophisticated way). Coba lihat!

http://kotakendari.wordpress.com/2009/07/08/capital-of-indonesia/


Jakarta itu kereeen. Seperti tak pernah tidur, hingga malam pun kota ini masih hingar bingar. Ritme kehidupannya dinamis seolah tidak pernah berhenti walau sejenak. Saya ingin nantinya tetap tinggal di Jakarta atau kota sekelas Jakarta.

Tapi beberapa minggu terakhir ini saya benar-benar lelah 'hidup' di jalanan Jakarta. Dari satu kemacetan ke kemacetan yang lain. Orang bilang penduduk Jakarta tua di jalan, and I couldn't be more agree. Iya banget. Saya masih beruntung, kalau pagi saya hanya butuh kurang dari 1 jam untuk sampai di kantor. Pulangnya sekitar 1 - 1.5 jam. Tapi kan, tak selalu saya langsung pulang ke rumah. Kalau sudah bermain di daerah pusat kota, oh my... bisa 3 jam saya habiskan di jalanan.

Namun begitulah aturan mainnya. Jam-jam itu yang harus siap dikorbankan para Jakartenis untuk bisa sekedar survive di kota metropolitan ini. Saya jadi mulai bertanya-tanya, is it really worth the effort?
10 tahun dari sekarang, apa saya masih mau menuruti aturan main ini dan menghabiskan seperlima hari saya di jalanan?
Ada orang yang hidup untuk kerja, atau hidup untuk keluarganya, atau hidup untuk bersenang-senang. Apa ada orang yang hidup untuk tua di jalan?

Membahas soal ini saya jadi ingat lagu Pots of Gold dari Mama's Gun ini.

Ada bagian liriknya yang saya suka:
Cos I don't wanna waste a lifetime chasing pots of gold
I don't wanna miss the sunshine standing in the cold
I don't wanna be the one who's left behind I wanna catch a glimpse of life
No i don't wanna be the one who lets you down
With you I couldn't bear to live without

Ooh, lalu saya juga jadi ingat cerita dalam buku Undomestic Goddes yang beberapa waktu lalu pernah saya tulis disini dan saya review di situs ini.