This morning I read a friend's blog about moving on. Almost similar to my other friend's blog several weeks ago.
You know, I hate break-ups. When you are in a relationship (either as couple or just HTS-an thingy) for quite a long time, let's say a year, you and your significant other will be, automatically, best friend. You do a lot of things together, you share your daily routine, you listen to each other's secrets, etc. You are not only having a romantic relationship, you are also getting a friendship.
Then when your romantic relationship is over (or one of you decide that it is over), you are not only lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, but also a best friend. The last one might be harder to overcome than the first one.
So this is what usually happens, you try to keep being a best friend for your ex (or ex-crush). You keep exchanging stories of your daily routine, you keep calling each other, you keep going out together. All on the name of friendship.
There might be awkward moments, but you try to neutralize it.
Well, in my opinion, it is actually normal for being awkward. Even for ex-couple who mutually agree that the relationship should be ended, I believe that there will be awkward situation and it is normal. As for ex-couple who one of them is not agree about the break-up, the situation will be even more awkward, and it is even more normal.
I once read a book called "Its Called A Break Up Because It is Broken" which said that after you break up, you better to not have any kind of communication with your ex at least for 2 months. I have to agree with the statement. Keep being your ex's best friend after break up is dangerous because one of you might trapped in the nostalgic feeling.
Let's accept that when you break up, you also lose one of your best friends temporarily. Yes, temporarily. One day, if you and your ex are indeed friends, you can get your best friend back. And it needs time. Even though the feeling has gone, you might need time to adjust your position. The awkwardness doesn't indicate that you still have feeling whatsoever, it means that you still couldn't find the right position as your ex's friend. I believe that it will come naturally as the time passes.
For how long? One of my friend said that at least it would take the same amount of time of the romantic relationship. So if you dated for 3 years, then it would take 3 years for everything back to normal and for you get your best friend back.
I say there's no rule about the amount of time. When you and your ex together could sincerily make fun of your past romantic relationship without feeling any awkwardness, that is the time you say "welcome back" to your old best friend.
"The awkwardness doesn't indicate that you still have feeling whatsoever, it means that you still couldn't find the right position as your ex's friend."
ReplyDeletemin, lo klo buka praktek konsultasi keknya oke deh.. gak sih @batari (tau2 manggil batari)
kalo buat saya, the awkwardness masih ada, even years after the break up. Jadilah saya kehilangan pacar dan kehilangan best friend. At first, rasanya kok sayang ya kehilangan temen baik, but as time passes, teman baik masih banyak kok dimana-mana. Jadi kalau memang gak memungkinkan untuk 'berteman' dengan si mantan, ya sudah... berteman dengan orang lain aja *lohkokjadicurhat*
ReplyDelete*dadah dadah sama dinov.
ReplyDelete@dinov: lo kira lo baca blog gue ga gue pungut bayaran? mwahahahahahaha.
ReplyDelete@mbak erma: haha, iya mbak ada juga sih yang akhirnya begitu. humm, tapi kalo di kasus aku itu sih, aku menyimpulkannya berati aku dan si mantan itu memang bukan beneran sahabat. kami pacaran dan berteman, tapi tidak bersahabat. hihihi. aneh ya?
@bat: wakakakak. apa maksud lo dadah2 bat??
:((
ReplyDeletesetujuu!! setuju sama apa yang buku itu bilang, klo udah putus sama pasangan, tutup semua jalur komunikasi. kecuali nanti kira2 udah nyaman untuk ngobrol tanpa ada perasaan apa-apa sih, monggo wae :P
ReplyDeletegw sendiri termasuk orang yang klo putus, langsung menghapus semua kontak si mantan. daripada terjadi hal2 yang bikin stress, mendingan bye bye aja sekalian :D
@upi: kenapa Pi, sedih ya? Sini2 curhat sama kakak. :))
ReplyDelete@splendidofsun: iya. karena memang susah immediately act normal. Even ketika kita sebenernya udah ga ada perasaan khusus apa2 lagi.
kayaknya curcol nih, emang pernah ada yang bikin stres?
hahahaha.
hihi, emang mantan2 gw bikin stress...sebenernya gara2 gw juga pas awalnya poor judgement sih, jadinya begitu. anyhow, biarpun menyesali, tapi mengambil pelajaran banyak juga. salah satu hal yg bagus dari "breaking up" adalah gw bisa lebih tau apa yang gw mau dalam hidup :P
ReplyDeletehmmm, manarik manarik :D
ReplyDelete