Working Life

Back when I was a college student, I thought I had got the picture of how working life would be. After I graduated, I spent some time to establish ReadingWalk first. Then after some time I started sending my resumes to some companies. Ready to experience being a part of a multinational industry.

My first office job after I graduated was in food and beverage industry. I was posted in the Corporate Planning department. It didn't go very well for me. I don't know how to explain it without making you confuse, but shortly short, I wasn't challenged. I was a fresh grad fully motivated to show the world how good I was but, at that time, I didn't think my job could get me there. When I imagined myself in the next 5 years, I didn't like the picture. I decided to move.

I joined steel industry. Again, Planning department. The first two months I did nothing except read my e-learning materials. Sure I got bored at some point, but because I knew what was waiting for me next, I hung on. Then gradually I started to do the real work. My need of challenge was fulfilled and I kinda like the picture of me in the next 5 years. Though, I had known that I wouldn't be there for so long. I still need to do my master and I wanted to do some business on my own. However, that nice picture of me could get me motivated enough to do my work.

Though I was eager to live the corporate life I was still taken by surprise of how things were going and how strong my job affected my life. I'm not talking about the work itself, but this:

The official working hour was 9 AM - 6 PM. To get there by 9 AM, I had to leave home at least at 7.15. Considering I took 15 minutes to have breakfast and another 60 minutes to take shower, pick the outfit, and put on some light make up, so I have to wake up at 6 AM.

Then I finished at 6 PM. I had to pray first so I left the building at 6.15. Considering that I had to walk a little and wait for the bus or omprengan to arrived, I arrived at home at around 8.15 PM. After I cleaned myself and had dinner, I watched TV. Because I was exhausted, 30 minutes later I was fallen asleep in front of the TV. That would be around 10 PM.

The next morning I woke up and the routine started all over again.

That was the good scenario. Often I had to leave the office after 7 PM. If you think the traffic is nicer at night, think again. There was also the very good scenario, when I could reach home before 7.30 PM. Not very often, though.

At first I refused to leave home before 7.30 AM. I insisted that I need to do something beside working in my life and the only time I had was in the morning. But the traffic was (and is) bloody awful. I would stuck longer in the traffic if I left later.

Then I registered myself to a gym so I could do some work out before I went home. Something for myself.

What amazed me is how people are okay with this. While I felt awful dedicating my life to make a company survives (the one that is not mine). I had 24 hours everyday and I gave at least 12 hours (including travel time) to the company. If I live for another 40 years, it means I only have 20 years to sleep and do whatever other things I want to do. It kinda hurt when I thought about it.

Don't get me wrong, I liked my job. It was often stressful but I still liked it. However, I just didn't feel that was enough. Doing the job that I like did not compensate the 12 hours, half of my lifetime. I felt I need to have greater reason for doing it.

A very close friend of mine, he is working for a state-owned company, from 7 AM to 4 PM. Once in a while he has to work 24 hours for several days, in some remote area. He is transfered from one location to another every couples years. But he has faith in himself that what he does is for the benefit of the people. He believes that the company he works for could provide better life for others.

I thought, I need to have that kind of reason. It had to be larger than paying my bills, shopping some shoes, or proofing to others whatever I need to prove. I felt I miss that reason. And I couldn't force myself to grow a faith within me that what I was doing was for greater good. So I resigned.

I might be too naive or dumb or cocky, but if I have 40 more years to live I wish to make it meaningful. I know myself quite well and how my ego can drives me to do something I am not going to be proud of in the future. What scares me is that if my ego leads me living a life that I choose only because other people choose it.